Monthly Musing – August 2025 – Guys’ talk

My husband went out with his friends last night.  They went to a music event at a local farm shop – beer, pizza, fire pits and an acoustic guitar player singing songs that everyone knew.  My husband and his friends had the best time.  They swapped anecdotes and terrible jokes, caught up on their latest family dramas and laughed so much that my husband nearly fell off his chair more than once.

I was so happy that he had such a great night.

Many men don’t get this.  They might go to the pub or the gym, meet up with mates at the football and do the head-nodding, “all right?” check-in – but nobody asks them how they’re really doing and sometimes, they’re not doing well.  It’s a big problem for men of any age but particularly those in their forties and older, and Government statistics shows that the suicide rates for that age group are well above those for women.

Obviously, if more men knitted socks (oh OK, and other things!) and were able to be part of knit n natter groups then I am sure that would make a difference, because women are great at the sorts of conversations when you need to say something out loud and need support or suggestions of help – and if only it were that easy!  Many men, however, are stuck in the loop of needing to be strong and silent but also needing to speak out about what worries them and often don’t have the words or the opportunity.

I’ve noticed many more advertisements for men’s clubs and men’s sheds (clubs where men can go and make something as many men only talk when they’re side by side with someone else, not face on) recently and I think this has to be a good thing.  I know of other men, both young and old, who talk through computer games – it’s different to traditional conversation but if they’re talking to someone, it’s a good thing.  In fact, these faceless connections can even feel like safer ground for talking about more than just the game, and that’s not to be sniffed at, no matter what your view on gaming time!

My husband doesn’t see his friends all the time.  They’re all busy with their jobs and families and they all live a distance away from each other, but they do make plans to see each other regularly and have even been on trips away together where there was more laughter and terrible jokes – and my husband came back brighter and lighter for the company with likeminded friends.

I’ve never suggested that we all get together as family groups because there’s no need to.  These are my husband’s friends, his lifeline to another part of himself that gets lost beneath work and travelling and queues on the motorway, and his relationship with his friends is entirely different to the relationship that he has with me.  It’s invaluable and I’m very grateful that he has it.  And I wish it for every other man who needs it too.  Guys need to talk, and not just about the latest score.  It’s important.

Know a man who needs to talk?

Andy’s Man Club

Men’s Sheds