Monthly Musing – November 2024 – If only …

“… and then my friend said that if she had only known about this ten years ago, her life could have been completely different …”

I’ve been chatting to a friend on the phone this afternoon and she was telling me about another friend who had discovered that her private pension wasn’t going to keep her in the lifestyle she was hoping for.  Aside from the fact that I’m slightly alarmed that I have reached an age when I am having discussions about pensions and being closer to living on them at all, the main thing that struck me is that we worry about things that we think we haven’t done but forget that the things we can do now often weren’t available, or we weren’t the person who would have done them all those years ago.

In this particular case, the opportunity to do what this person had discovered wasn’t available ten years ago and discovering it now meant they could choose to make a change or not so at least all was not lost, but I think that it’s easy to forget that at times – somehow, the “then” and the “now” get mixed up in these situations in a way that doesn’t necessarily happen at other times.

Being able to switch between the years could definitely be quite useful if we were able to do that – time travellers who lent a helping hand from time to time – although I could imagine it would result in a world of chaos.  I’ve read enough science fiction stories to know that history would be altered many times over … I do wonder sometimes what I would have been like if I was the person I am now when I was younger, but know that I am only the person I am now because of who I was and what I experienced when I was younger … and if someone was messing about with the timeline, then goodness knows who I would end up being!

It’s not easy, but I think the answer is sometimes to try not to regret what we did or didn’t do in the past, and simply start again from now.  It’s not always that straightforward but for my friend’s friend, the chance to do whatever she needs to do with her pension starts now, and as alarmed about it all as I am, I made changes to mine last year so I’m not going to judge!

Younger me remains in the past where she belongs, her decisions informing my present and my present consolidating and healing my past, because we have all made decisions that we would change given time and circumstances – and sometimes they are as simple as saying “I love you” or “I’m sorry” when we had the opportunity.

“If only” gets us nowhere but keeps us trapped in a loop of regret and disappointment that no amount of wishing can change; the true way is forward, if only we are brave enough to take the step.